Another Door Softly Closes Behind Me

This weekend I walked up the church steps with some trepidation. It's not everyday you witness your ex marrying someone else. I wasn't sure how painful it would be to watch the man I knew for so long I would marry walk down the isle with someone else. And although we have years and dramas and loves between our unravelling and the present, it all rushes back in a moment at the sight of the joyful tears in his eyes and the sound of the choke in his throat, his smiles and his easy cajolings. Except now, none of it is for me.

Thankfully, it all felt more surreal than painful. I watched with awed curiosity as the wedding unfolded and the vows were exchanged. It felt, for lack of a better analogy, like watching the movie of my life acted out by a stand-in.

It is sad, in a way, the things we leave behind. But in more ways, it is incredible and inspiring to see how far each of us have walked since our college years. We are on our proper paths and those paths parted long ago. I suppose it doesn't hurt to turn back around one last time, nod at each other, and continue on our way.

Brian, thank you for giving me some of the best years of my life, some of my most cherished memories, some of my most important lessons. I'm leaving any remaining sadness, any remaining regret right here. At this door closing. I love you. I'm sorry. And I'm so very happy that you have found true and lasting joy.