There's nothing angry about tofu
I rode in an enormous tow-truck today. I rode in it for a few yards - the distance to my car. The keys were on the driver's seat in plain view. The stoic AAA man laid the tools of his trade on top of my car as he worked. I watched, wondering if I had to acquire a special license to purchase similar tools of my own. Who knows, they might come in handy.
Today was one of those days that made my search for a therapist feel not only like a good idea, but an essential one. An emergency. An imperative mission. You'd be surprised how difficult it is to find a good psychologist in this town. Insurance gets in the way. Distance gets in the way. My fluctuating mind gets in the way. Today was one of those days when I allowed my mind to escape me and I found it nearly too late, plotting my demise.
This afternoon I stood in the cold pounded by gusts of wind. My hands, forced well beyond their limitations, weeped for heat while I waited for my meeting to end. I can't help but ask myself if this is it. Is this it? And if so, what the hell is the point? Why am I standing in the cold, suffering in silence, listening and fretting? Why do I have to fret at all?
After the meeting I drove with the heels of my hands directing the steering wheel to Nothin' But Noodles. My craving for pad thai and tofu was undeniable. As I ate, my fingers returned to life first with a whimper and then with a whoosh. Years ago, I read a book on anger. The book is called Anger (ha!) and it's written by Thich Nhat Hanh. The very first chapter of the book talks about avoiding "angry food" - mistreated chickens and bloated cows will certainly make you ill on the inside. I can tell you that after my meal of pad thai and tofu tonight, I could live the rest of my life without eating another angry chicken. It's all too clear that there's nothing angry about tofu.
Today was one of those days that made my search for a therapist feel not only like a good idea, but an essential one. An emergency. An imperative mission. You'd be surprised how difficult it is to find a good psychologist in this town. Insurance gets in the way. Distance gets in the way. My fluctuating mind gets in the way. Today was one of those days when I allowed my mind to escape me and I found it nearly too late, plotting my demise.
This afternoon I stood in the cold pounded by gusts of wind. My hands, forced well beyond their limitations, weeped for heat while I waited for my meeting to end. I can't help but ask myself if this is it. Is this it? And if so, what the hell is the point? Why am I standing in the cold, suffering in silence, listening and fretting? Why do I have to fret at all?
After the meeting I drove with the heels of my hands directing the steering wheel to Nothin' But Noodles. My craving for pad thai and tofu was undeniable. As I ate, my fingers returned to life first with a whimper and then with a whoosh. Years ago, I read a book on anger. The book is called Anger (ha!) and it's written by Thich Nhat Hanh. The very first chapter of the book talks about avoiding "angry food" - mistreated chickens and bloated cows will certainly make you ill on the inside. I can tell you that after my meal of pad thai and tofu tonight, I could live the rest of my life without eating another angry chicken. It's all too clear that there's nothing angry about tofu.
posted by Katie at 8:23 PM
3 Comments:
Last night for dinner we made tofu and cous cous tacos. Love them. Maybe it is because of my mindset, but I always feel better eating vegetarian than angry chicken. You only have to see one documentary on the treatment of animals in factory farming to think twice about ingesting them.
I can empathize with so much of what you write Katie. You express so well what I struggle with from time to time.
And trust me. I have been on that frustrating hunt for a good psychotherapist. I can recommend one that I liked if you feel so inclined.
But writing is also great therapy, isn't it?
Hi Heather,
Thanks for posting! I just caught it.
I never used to think too hard about what I eat and frankly I often still do eat whatever the heck is easy at the time. But, it's true that there's something really whole, physically and mentally, about eating food that came by way of more pure means. So, send me that recipe for tofu and cous cous tacos - sounds awesome! 3 of my very favorite foods all wrapped up into one.
And yes, if you have any therapist suggestions, I'd be happy to take them. I'm on the hunt - even if it's a sporadic hunt. I need all the help I can get...
I really enjoy reading your blog. You have a great way of expressing yourself and you seem to be very honest. It is refreshing when blogs are authentic like that. Thanks.
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