Dear Parents of Adolescent Children, Please do not bring them to Rated R movies.
I've been itching to see A History of Violence since I've seen the previews for it. From the previews and reviews, I knew that it would contain a certain amount of, well, violence, in addition to some graphic sex scenes. Acquiring this information did not require a stressful level of research, mind you. As I'm sitting in my seat waiting for the movie to begin, I was horrified to witness a couple and their three young children enter the theater and find seats behind us.
Although the movie in general SUCKED (minus a few redeeming qualities that I won't even bother discussing), it did deliver on the promised sex and violence. At times, shocking sex and violence. Leaving the theater, my thoughts wandered to those poor children. How could their parents possibly explain this movie to them? I can only imagine that the family's drive home from the theater went something like this:
What didn't you understand, honey?
Oh, that? Well, that's what adults call 69ing. I know, sweetheart, it looks kind of strange, but really it can be a lot of fun. Unfortunately, your father and I gave up on that years ago. Our heights just aren't matched quite right to make it worthwhile.
Why was the mommy wearing a cheerleaders outfit? Well, I don't know, I guess some daddy's like to imagine that they are sleeping with women much younger than themselves.
I know you're sister is a cheerleader - it's not the same, though.
The other sex scene? You don't understand why the mommy and daddy were hitting each other before they violently fucked on the stairs? Oh, honey, that's completely normal and nothing to be afraid of. Your father and I sometimes get a little crazy like that too. But only after you kids are in bed, of course.
You liked the part where the man got his face blown off? Yeah, it was pretty neat when they showed the massive hole in his head. I laughed too when what was left of his lower jaw kind of quivered! Pretty good special effects... Did you spot the teeth?
I guess the lessons to be learned here, kids, are to stay away from bad men and to keep an open mind in the bedroom. Maybe tomorrow night we can rent Seven and learn about the seven deadly sins. It'll be good research for your religion test on Monday.
Although the movie in general SUCKED (minus a few redeeming qualities that I won't even bother discussing), it did deliver on the promised sex and violence. At times, shocking sex and violence. Leaving the theater, my thoughts wandered to those poor children. How could their parents possibly explain this movie to them? I can only imagine that the family's drive home from the theater went something like this:
What didn't you understand, honey?
Oh, that? Well, that's what adults call 69ing. I know, sweetheart, it looks kind of strange, but really it can be a lot of fun. Unfortunately, your father and I gave up on that years ago. Our heights just aren't matched quite right to make it worthwhile.
Why was the mommy wearing a cheerleaders outfit? Well, I don't know, I guess some daddy's like to imagine that they are sleeping with women much younger than themselves.
I know you're sister is a cheerleader - it's not the same, though.
The other sex scene? You don't understand why the mommy and daddy were hitting each other before they violently fucked on the stairs? Oh, honey, that's completely normal and nothing to be afraid of. Your father and I sometimes get a little crazy like that too. But only after you kids are in bed, of course.
You liked the part where the man got his face blown off? Yeah, it was pretty neat when they showed the massive hole in his head. I laughed too when what was left of his lower jaw kind of quivered! Pretty good special effects... Did you spot the teeth?
I guess the lessons to be learned here, kids, are to stay away from bad men and to keep an open mind in the bedroom. Maybe tomorrow night we can rent Seven and learn about the seven deadly sins. It'll be good research for your religion test on Monday.
posted by Katie at 7:01 PM
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