The Nagging Weight of Future Fear

After two blogs about my beloved little rat, I guess it's time to write a blog about me and the current weight on my mind. It's so silly really, this weight of mine. But, I'm not alone in it. I've read that next to death, people most fear public speaking. While I fear many things more than public speaking, it still isn't my very favorite thing to do. Particularly when it matters. And this time, it matters. My first public meeting, the first of a series of at least three, is fast approaching. A few months ago even the prospect of these public meetings was an unthinkable nightmare. A gut-wrenching prospect. Thankfully, a lot can happen in a few months. When left with no option, I've quickly become a project manager in my own right - calling at least some of the shots, managing people and deadlines, writing proposals, calling clients on past due payments and facing issues that I would have been happily ignorant of in the not-so-distant past.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if Dragon came back to the job (an impossible notion). Would I fall back into my old role as underling supporter and worker bee? It doesn't take much wondering for me to acknowledge that there is no going back - there's only moving forward. And if Dragon came back tomorrow (a wonderful notion), we'd have to re-negotiate every role. I've grown past indecisiveness. I've grown past needing an okay on every line drawn. I've grown.

Dragon isn't coming back, tomorrow or ever. He will, however, be sitting on the sidelines as the client at my very first public meeting. Can I handle this meeting? Absolutely. Am I scared out of my mind? Absolutely. It's time to grow past this too.